Chapter Two

This is Chapter Two.  It presents my preteen and teen years.  I don’t ever remember being told that I was adopted.  I just knew.  My adoptive parents never made a big deal about it.  My world would soon change again.  You see, I am not just an adoptee (adopted as an infant) but I am also an adoptee lite.  That means I was later adopted by my step father.   I am however getting ahead of myself.  My adoptive mother and step father married each other in  when I was in fourth grade.  My first adoptive father pretty much had stopped paying child support as I went into junior high.  Life was no different for me.  I lead a pretty active life.  I hung out with my friends.  I went swimming at the local pool.  I jumped on my trampoline.  After my parents had been married for a few years, things started to change.  Heck my own body was changing.  My step father’s attitude began changing.  He began working for a large package delivery company.  Having been in that industry before, its the kind of job that makes you sacrifice your family life for a career.  My step father really wanted a career.  He needed to get out of the waste water department.  During this time frame, my friends never treated me any different.  My first encounter of adoptionism was some family friends.  My step father worked with a hispanic family.  I remember being angry at them because I wasn’t good enough to date their sons.  It wasn’t that I want to date them but I wanted to good enough.  I remember feeling extreme guilt during that time.  I felt like I didn’t deserve to have anything.  Its within the last few years that I realized that was a typical adoptee thing.

With my father’s new job, came drinking.  Yes he was an alcoholic.  With that came his personality changes.  I always felt like he was attracted to me.  It creeped me out.  My father had a hair cutting fetish.  He got turned on by haircuts.  My mother got sick of it after years and years of it.  We now understand it better.  He changed towards me.  I remember him telling my adoptive mother that I would be pregnant before I got out of high school.  I don’t know if he knew that I overheard him or not. I wonder now if adoption had any play in that.  He always treated me differently.  He treated me more harshly.

I remember one particular situation.  I had taken up the hobby of stamp collecting.  Yes I was a geek and sometimes acted like it.  I had them across my bed.  I went to the bathroom.  I came back and they were scattered all over the floor.  This was one of the few times that I ever stood up against him.  I was hot and pissed off.  I confronted him.  He proceeded to attempt to spank me.  I fought him tooth and nail.  He picked me up by my leg and arm.  He slammed me onto the floor.  My youngest sister was screaming in the corner.   I don’t remember much else but he soon left the room.

During that time we all had to be on our toes with him.  We never knew when he would explode.  He even took my bedroom door down because he said that I had to earn my privacy.  He did a great deal to humiliate me.

The only adoption discussion that I ever remember was when a family friend ‘s daughter got pregnant.   After we found out, my mother came rushing into the kitchenette area of our home.  She gave both talks at the same time.  You know the ones.  Sex and adoption.  I wonder if my adoptive mother was ever worried that I too would follow into my natural mother’s shoes.  I am pretty sure that my step father thought that.  After I heard that converstation between my parents, I took a celibacy vow.

My adoptive mother told me that if I ever wanted to have sex,that I was to come to her.  If I ever wanted to search, again I was to come to her.   I did have fantasies of an older brother coming to rescue me.  In fact, I thought Shaun Cassidy was that brother.  I know.  Very corny.  I thought that.  I wanted to escape my life at that time.  Yes it was that bad for a while.  I remember our neighbor telling us that she thought about calling the law on us because she could hear us screaming.

I also remember being treated like I could not be trusted.  My sisters have subsequently done this as well.  I have had to prove myself over and over.  It wore me out back in those days.  I hated it.  It still happens now.  I fight consistently with one sister over that very issue.

I also kept my promise too.  I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19.  I dated only one guy for most of my high school years.   I was never allowed any real alone time with boys.  I always had a parental figure around.  I broke up with him the beginning of my senior year.  I didn’t like always having to deal with his wanting to be better than me.  He had lied to me about his grades and many other issues.  Plus he was Mormon.  I don’t think he is still one now.   My senior year was the year of heartbreak for me.

Chapter Three

Unknown Indy Baby Girl

Hello World!

I am Unknown Indy Baby Girl.  I am an Indiana adoptee.  This blog will reflect my life story as an adoptee.  My experiences will always reflect those of an adoptee living in the United States.  I am fourty three years old.  I was born in the heat of the summer.  I have all of my non identifying information.  I have also utilized all of the available resources that Indiana has to offer.  The process has left me angry, wornout, and hurt. 

I will join the rank and file of adoptees around the country in fighting for access to my original birth certificate.  This blog reflects my personal thoughts, emotions, and reactions to adoption.  So sit back.  I will tell you the story that I have been told. 

Unknown Indy Baby Girl